Solution-Focused Parenting

Up to 80% of postpartum moms experience the Baby Blues, which sets in around 3 days following delivery and lasts up to 2 weeks. Although moms might experience feelings of sadness and be tearful often, generally the overall feeling experienced is happiness.

About 1 in 7 women will experience Postpartum Depression (up to 1 in 5 experience PMAD’s or Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders). PPD can occur beyond 2 weeks where we expect you might experience the “Baby Blues”. Symptoms can begin any time during that first year (and even up to 3 years) following delivery. Continuing to struggle with feelings of depression, hopelessness, and concerns about your worth as a mom to your baby might indicate Postpartum Depression. Sometimes ongoing difficulties with attachment to your baby can be an indicator of PPD, but often people who are experiencing Postpartum Depression have strong, healthy attachments to their baby. Postpartum Depression is highly treatable through therapy and medication (where indicated), and it’s important for moms to know there is nothing they did to cause it, and it will end (though I know personally that black hole can feel like it will last forever).

A lot of moms (myself included) experience intrusive thoughts that are unsettling or even scary following the birth of their child.  Most of the time these thoughts seem to come from nowhere and shock us because we know we’d never purposely hurt our baby.  However, if they are persistent and difficult to manage, meeting with a therapist and/or psychiatrist can be very helpful to learn tools to reduce/eliminate them. Remember, thoughts are NOT actions.  In instances where these scary thoughts seem reasonable to mom or there might be reason to believe a mom might act on them, calling 911 or getting mom to the emergency room to get checked out is essential.

A lot of moms struggle with feelings of anger or even rage after having children when they never would have described themselves as an angry person before. Being a mom is incredibly overwhelming emotionally and physically. One of the things we know is moms are constantly bombarded with sensory stimuli, which overwhelms our nervous system (anyone have kids constantly crying, yelling, tv blasting, etc.)? This can result in sensory overload, which can then result in angry outbursts or yelling on our part. I’ve totally been there and there are tools like deep breathing and vagus nerve exercises to help us re-regulate our nervous system. It's also very common for one parent (typically the mother) to become the "default" parent and carry the vast majority of the emotional load and invisible labor. This can also lead to emotional overload due to feeling unsupported and unseen by one's partner. This can cause tension and resentment in the parenting relationship, which in turn can lead to increased rage. This is one of the most common concerns raised by my clients (as well as friends and family), and it takes a lot of work, communication, and boundary setting within one's relationship to try to balance the emotional load.

Not even a little.  Fed is best, ALWAYS, and no one is in a position to make the decision about how to feed your baby but you.  It’s your body, and you’re allowed to say what you want it to do.  Breastfeeding can be wonderful but also extremely taxing, and trauma around breastfeeding often brings clients to my door.  I’m reminded of what a teacher once said to me: “I can’t tell which child was breastfed or formula fed, I only know which children are fed at all.